A family relationships question
Written by Gerard on Thursday 13 November 2008
We're getting a little tired recently of friends who ask for favours and never offer help in return. A favour here, a favour there. It all adds up.
As a couple, we take the same attitude to asking favours as we do to borrowing or lending money. We never ask. We don't depend on anybody but ourselves. But conversely, people rely on us and ask for favours on a regular basis. They never seem to factor in that we're trying to build a business and could do with a break ourselves. And the idea of offering to help us out every once in a while seems to be a foreign concept.
I guess you could say we're getting quite annoyed about it.
I think we should say "no" more. Lisa disagrees. She's worried that she'd be criticised behind her back for not helping out when asked. But she's always been the dependable one in her circle. If they need something, it's her who gets called first. Friends and neighbours need someone to look after their children for an hour or two, they leave them in our house. In fact, they spend most of their time in our house anyway.
Is it right to expect people to offer to reciprocate? Should we ask for favours all the time too? Or should we start to say no?
How would you deal with this situation?
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Comments
You know that saying, 'if you
You know that saying, 'if you want something done, ask a busy person?' - well, I think that probably applies here too. I'm thinking people just assume that since you're very busy with your own kids, and now work at home, a few more kids around and a few more things to do won't make any odds, and how wrong they are.
I remember it well from when mine were little. In some ways, having lots of other kids around is ok when they all play nicely and behave but if you happen to have the Omen disguised as little Jonny from next door round at your house all the time, it can be a real pain in the jacksy and the amount of mess made increases exponentially with the number of little folks about.
I see Lisa's point of view but I have to agree that people should return favours without you having to ask at that. If people keep offloading their kids with you, they should offer to have your kids for an equal number of hours.
It may well be that you just have to start saying no. People might then realise just how much you do for them and equally realise how little they do in return. Tough love on the friend front is needed methinks!