How to stop your child's friendship deteriorating?

Written by Gerard on Thursday 30 April 2009

What do you do when you notice your child's friendships breaking down?

Do you intervene, do you try to get them to talk it out? Do you try to get them to spend time apart? Do you mind your own business and be there to pick up the pieces?

Rachel (who's only 7 years old, remember) is having quite a bit of friction with her best friend of the last 3 or so years. The other little girl is quite introverted and likes to keep Rachel to herself. She's not keen on the two of them mixing with other kids, although we try to make sure Rachel has other options.

But over the last few months, Rachel's friend has become quite snappish. She stops listening to her and becomes irritable for no aparent reason. She'll insist on playing games that she wants, but will leave if she doesn't get her way.

We know that that all of this upsets Rachel greatly. And the continuing tension between the two hasn't been great for her. She's become touchy, so the least negative comment to come out of her friend's mouth is usually taken in a bad way rather than ignored.

Tonight, we took our three children plus three of their friends to the park for a bit of fun. All went well until the pair had another argument. Rachel's friend became withdrawn and introverted, but we later caught her conspiring with the other little girl we'd brought (another friend and neighbour) to play together exclusively. I took all three together and explained how hurtful it was to exclude a friend in that way, and to do it in such an obvious manner, whispering with each other in our presence!

Lisa tells me it's not the first time this little girl has tried manipulating another friend of theirs to get back at Rachel. It's quite a sneaky way of behaving - our own kids probably aren't beneath using this technique! I know there are probably mitigating factors: she's an only child, her parents split a few years ago. But while we're sympathetic, what's the best way to resolve this?

This relationship gets more fraught with each passing day. We're trying to help Rachel expand her circle of friends with other kids in the street and with occassional playdates with friends from school. If we had our way, we'd make sure the pair spent less time together and perhaps learned to appreciate their friendship more.

So, have you experienced this problem? Any advice, ideas, recommendations, would be really welcome!