Is repeating a year good for a child's confidence?

Written by Gerard on Monday 19 October 2009

I was tucking Daniel into the car tonight after football practice when I heard a roar beside me - "BYE BYE DAVID!" It was coming from the other side of the car, where my other son Jake was waving a salute to his friend who was on the other side of the car park

This was unusual, to say the least.

Jake - our 6 year old - has always been our least confident child. Throughout his childhood, it was a common thing to see him shying away from adults and older children. Perhaps our worst memory is when he hid under the table at his own birthday party when everybody started singing Happy Birthday to him.

The funny thing is, he hates attention, but he also loves attention. He loves to be told he's doing a great job, and when he knows he's doing a good job... Well, if he had a tail, he'd be wagging it. Furiously.

We've tried to get him to join various clubs and social groups to make him more confident. He joined a Saturday morning football club a few years ago, and glued himself to my side for weeks, refusing to even try to play. We took him to another club with a friend, and he shied out of that one as well.

Last year though, he was slightly more comfortable with a local Gaelic football night in his primary school. Not bubblingly confident, but at least he detatched himself from my hip. We took his brother Daniel along, which helped ease him into the situation. The club continued over the summer, but only at weekends, and we kind of drifted away from it.

With the starting of the new school year however, we brought Jake and Daniel back to the school nights. This year - for some reason - the difference is amazing. No longer is Jake hiding from kids his age, he's right in the middle of them, chatting away, horsing around and bubbling with laughter. The way he does around us at home.

Tonight, he was fully immersed in all the games and tasks, standing with his wee posse, arms round shoulders, talking away at a million miles an hour. And the best bit? He was looking everybody in the eye, really connecting with his friends. Another kid - a helper who's a couple of years older than Jake was engrossed in a conversation with him about something or other. I asked Jake about this later on - did he know the boy? "No," came the reply, "but he's really nice."

If you asked me to explain the sudden turnaround, I'd say that there are probably a few factors. He's become more outgoing over the summer anyway, and he tends to lead the play with his friends at home. However, I think that it's helped that he's returning to a familiar group (mostly the same kids from last year) and he knows the drill that they do each week. He also has a teacher who's worked very hard to build his self-confidence, and this is mirrored by the coach in the football class.

Whatever the reason, it's lovely to see Jake uninhibited for once. I know that Lisa picked up a book about child shyness, suspecting selective mutism might be a problem. And although he looked like a likely candidate, Jake seems to have turned a corner recently.