Last year Gerard and I both attended a positive parenting course. Not because we were having any great problems or difficulties with our children, but just in a bid to educate ourselves and hopefully improve our parenting technique.
One area we looked at in great detail was that of discipline. Gerard and I were both smacked (spanked) as children, not very often and never very hard, but it was a part of our upbringing. We were both in agreement that we did not want to go down the path of physical punishment with our own children, but really wanted to work on what alternative approaches we could adopt.
After finishing the parenting programme we both decided that we wanted to enforce positive discipline within our family. Very often our daughter would act up and throw tantrums merely because she knew it would get our attention. We began to introduce the naughty stair, where our daughter had to sit for three minutes if she misbehaved. We also tried to not respond to her tantrums in the way she wanted, by yelling and shouting or telling her off, but merely by removing her from the room and placing her on the stair.
While we were using this method of discipline we also tried to really enforce any positive behaviour that Ray displayed. We made more time to focus on and play with her, made a big fuss when she helped us out, and constantly praised her while she was behaving well.
Ray responded brilliantly. Her tantrums decreased dramatically, she thrived on all the positive attention she was receiving and we felt that our new appraoch was very successful.
So why therefore did we not follow the same path with Jay? I often think that we should do a refresher parenting course each year, as without a wake up call we begin to slip back into our old habits.
For the last while we have noticed that Jay's behaviour has been detiriorating slightly. He doesn't throw tantrums in the way Ray would have but he can sulk.......and sulk and sulk and sulk. We had no idea why, and were giving him so much attention every time he did it, therefore reinforcing his behaviour without realising. He has also been ignoring us quite a bit and openly disobeying us repeatedly. If Ray had done this she would have been sent straight to the stair, but Jay was getting told off and I am ashamed to admit yelled at on occasion.
Last week Gerard and I had a discussion about how we could improve upon Jay's behaviour and general mood, and of course realised that we had been making the same mistakes all over again. So this week we have made a concerted effort to adopt a more positive approach.
Once again the results have been almost instant. Each time he sulks or misbehaves he has to sit on the stair for a few minutes. This was hard to manage for the first few days he refused to stay and so we were constantly putting him back. But he seems to be getting the idea.
We are tring to be calmer with him, and explain to him why he must work with us. Instead of yelling at him for lying on top of Baby D, I am trying to tell him that he will hurt the baby, and encourage him to interact with him in other ways.
Gerard and I have also been encouraging him to help out more around the house, which he loves. We have spent the last two evenings shelling peanuts with him, he helps set the table and even helps to hoover the floor. All the time being praised for being "such a good boy!"
This last few days we have a much happier wee boy in our house. He is thriving on the extra attention and time he is getting and beginning to realise that throwing himself on the floor and sulking will not get him what he wants. He is more cheerful, more chatty, and so affectionate, something is obviously working.
I bet that in another year and a half when Baby D reaches two we will be rediscovering all these methods again, and wondering how we forgot the really important lessons that our other two children taught us.
