familytastic!

Someone asked me recently, “If you knew then what you know now, would you still have had kids?”

It’s a question that I couldn’t answer but it’s bugged me ever since. Would I?

I stumbled across this post over on Ririan Project today about the 7 habits of highly successful fathers.

Funnily enough, when we first started a family, I picked up that book by Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Families. While it was an interesting read, I never got to the end of it. It's on my to-do list for when I start working from home.

Ririan's post borrows heavily from the Covey formula, and it's an inspiring read. However, I do disagree with his first point, keeping stress to yourself. OK, it's one thing to not let your mood impact your family, but I try to talk to our children about what's going on in my life.

I came home quite tired from work the other day and explained that I'd had a hard day at work. We briefly chatted about why my day had been so difficult. While it's important to let the children get on with the business of being kids, part of being in a family is sharing your emotions, and I'd like to think the kids can come back to me and talk about their lives too.

Rachel's fascination with the iPod continues.

At the moment, the shuffle at the side of my bed has the new Dixie Chicks album and Carrie Underwood's debut. Because of the holidays, I've been letting Rachel lie in our bed and listen to some songs before she goes to sleep. When she gets tired, she switches off the iPod and puts it at the side of the bed. Still being careful with it.

Last night, I went into the room, and she was sitting there bopping along to the Dixie Chicks. She pulled out one of the headphones and said "Can you help me find my favourite song?" You have a favourite? Sure I'll help you, I want to find out about this favourite song.

So, we sat for a minute or two until we found the song she liked (described as sounding like an elephant - there were a few heavy piano chords at the beginning). The surprise was when the vocals came in and Rachel sang along! Wow, she's actually listening to the words...and remembering them!

What a powerful sensation to discover your daughter is developing musical tastes. As we sat on the bed, sharing headphones and being serenaded by Rachel, it was almost overwhelming. One of those lump in the throat parenting moments. Luckily, Lisa had the same experience this evening, so she didn't miss out.

Rachel seems to be having a ball at the moment. I think the music is something that's completely her own - not shared with the boys. It's also something she can talk to us about, and I think she enjoys that new way to bond with us.

I just love the stage that our baby boy is at right now. Actually I should probably stop calling him a baby, he is more of a toddler at this point. But he is our youngest and last and I want to have a baby for just a bit longer! Anyway back to the point, Daniel is 21 months old and chattering like a monkey! I love watching the joy on his face when I understand what he is saying, and more often than not what he wants to eat. Many of Daniels first words have been food or drink related. Unsurprising, considering thats all he ever wants to do.

Normally by this time of year I am at least half organised for christmas. I know how boring that sounds but the thought of buying all my presents in December terrifies me and I could never afford to do it all in one month anyway.

This year however I seem to be lagging behind. I have a few things in for Jake and a few dress up costumes for Rachel, but other than that the attic is bare.

I hadn't even begun to worry about it until we went sofa shopping today. After visiting numerous furniture stores and finally deciding on our perfect sofas we were informed that we would have to wait 14 weeks for delivery. The sales assistant specifically pointed out that we will be receiving the set about a week before christmas. The panic then set in......14 weeks, thats only 3 months, thats three wages, thats not enough!

To make things worse after a visit to the toy store next door the children have now dictated their entire christmas list, and guess what, they won't be getting the half of it! Jake, our wily three year old, informed me that if I let him get a big drum kit for christmas he would be my best friend again. i didn't know that he had ever stopped the wee imp!

So the christmas countdown has officially begun. I had better start to stockpile very soon, or it will be homemade gifts and cards for family and friends!

Over the last few weeks I have felt as though I am banging my head off a brick wall. Jake has always been more free with his hands than Rachel, but over the last six months or so, I have noticed that he rarely hits, kicks or pushes anymore.

Since summer holidays started though I have noticed a deterioration in both of the children's behaviour. They are hitting each other A LOT! To make things worse, a boy that often plays with Jake and Rachel came crying to us tonight that Jake had hit him on the head, and it turns out that Rachel, who thought the boy was being cheeky, had told Jake to do it.

I am trying to talk it out with them, explaining what they are doing is wrong and that it hurts other children. They have had stickers removed from their reward charts, they have been brought inside and not allowed out to play. None of it seems to be working. To be fair the majority of the problem lies with Rachel, Jake often just follows his big sister's lead.

I think that Rachel is bored, she misses school and it is very hard to stimulate her effectively while also trying to amuse the two younger boys. I am at my wits end, and don't like to see my usually very kind and considerate daughter turn into such a bad tempered little girl.  I am trying to practice positive discipline and not constantly tell her she is being bad, but sometimes my patience does wear thin. She is so quick to say sorry to avoid punishment, but I know she rarely means it.

Gerard is going to take some time off work within the next few weeks and we are going to try to occupy the childrens time a bit better. Hopefully a few day trips and some one to one time with Rachel will help cheer her up.

Up until recently there was very little differentiation in our home between the toys Rachel played with, and the toys that Jake chose.

If Rachel wanted to play with Barbies or My Little Ponies, then Jake was happy to join in. But in the last few weeks our wee boy has started to emerge. It all started with a Batman figure that my sister bought for him last month, and from then we have seen his interest in boys toys grow and grow.

I thought it was time to bring down all Gerard's old He-Man and Ghostbuster toys from the attic yesterday, and honestly you would have though that it was christmas in our house. Jake has played with the toys ever since, and its funny to imagine that 25 years ago his dad was playing with the same toys.

I can see Jakes gender really beginning to make a difference in other areas too. He is no longer content to watch Barbie Mermadia repeatedly, but is now asking for Power Rangers and Thunderbirds. When playing with other children he naturally gravitates towards the boys, and instead of playing on the swings, or see saws, Jake now wants to play sword fights.

Rachel is such a girly girl, who loves to pretend to be me in every way. Its nice to see Jake no longer following her every move, but beginning to make choices of his own.

I read an article today about world birth rates and the fact that the amount of males born is signigicantly higher than the amount of females. It made for very interesting reading, and pointed out that this skewed birth rate is causing problems in some countries (such as China) where men are beginning to find that there just aren't enough women to go around.
Reading the piece reminded me of my feelings and concerns when I found out that I was expecting my sons.

When I was growing up I always imagined a family with at least 2 or 3 daughters, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a son.

When I found out that I was pregnant with a boy during my second pregnancy I was slightly nervous. I wondered if I could parent a boy, I imagined a crazy toddler turning into a surly young man who is conditioned to bottle up his emotions and remain difficult to reach.

Everyone I spoke to with sons disagreed. Each and every person told me that wee girls are much harder work, they want to rule the house, while boys are much more placid and easy going.

To date my experience has been immensely positive and I can't believe I was ever worried. My three children are all precious to me, it makes no difference what gender they happen to be.

I think my concerns must have stemmed from the fact I have two sisters very close in age to me, my brothers are a lot younger, one has yet to reach his teenage years. As my father was not around for most of my childhood, my experience of family life was very much a female orientated one.

I am lucky to have an excellent husband who is very much involved in the childrens lives. This will hopefully come in useful in those teenage years, when embarrassing topics have to be broached, and my son may not actually want my input into his love life, or romantic crises. And I am now wise enough to realise that my daughter is unlikely to want to confide in me about her first love or hot crushes either. Surly teenage behaviour is not limited to the males of our species, I can all too well remember the trouble I gave my own mother!

My sister is currently 5 months pregnant and strangely, experiencing exactly the same worries as I did, way back when. I am trying to give her the benefit of my experience, but I know that once the baby is born, no matter what the sex is, she will realise for herself, what a precious gift a baby is, and that sex is irrelevant to the love you feel for that person who is piece of you.

I discovered a terrific thread on Ask Metafilter that asks "What does it take to be a Dad?"

For me, my father spent a lot of time working to make ends meet, but from the hazy childhood memories I do have, we did spend quite a bit of time together.

Having said that, during my teenage years, I strove to be the exact opposite of my father. I hated his smoking and vowed I would never fall into that trap (even now). He worked as a bricklayer and was adamant that I should educate myself and avoid this kind of hard labour.

Back then, he had an occassional bad temper, but he's mellowed in later years. Unfortunately, I've inherited the volatility.

However, I'll always remember the Saturdays. On Saturday, I used to help out as he cleaned chimneys around the town, talked to old ladies and supped cups of tea. Those were great days...

So, Rachel had her nursery graduation ceremony yesterday. Most of the grandparents came to the school to watch the little concert they'd prepared and to see the kids getting their certificates from the principal of the school.

I showed up slightly late, due to my parents managing to get mixed up over timings. When I got in to the assembly hall, the children were already on stage. It didn't take long to locate my little cherub on the left of the stage among a gaggle of friends.

The concert began with a few songs from the children, sung in that tuneless, half shouted manner that kids do best!

My heart melted as I saw Rachel scanning the audience and as her eyes settled on my she broke into a huge grin and waved down to me. We spent the rest of the concert intermittently nodding and smiling at each other across the hall.

When the time came, she had to walk out to the middle of the stage to receive her certificate from the principal. As she did it, she looked slightly nervous, but she turned and gave a big wave to the whole family as she walked back to her seat!

It's always great to see Rachel in her element, mixing with the other kids. She's such a little butterfly, and she knows it!