Discipline

Does taking the kids to a restaurant or public place fill you with dread? Me too.

Our lot tend to go nuts in public places. I mostly blame Rachel, who is a force of chaos when the mood takes her. Either way, when we're in a place like Burger King, they'll run around like crazy and talk at the top of their voices. OK, shout.

I found myself in Burger King alone with the children recently. As I stood in the queue, the kids started out at one table and started running around. I called them to me and asked them to settle down, issuing that classic parental threat - OR ELSE!!!

Did that stop them? Hell no.

So, on a couple of occasions I take Jake and Daniel and make them stand beside me in the queue. After a few moments I'd let them go back to the table and within minutes they were running around again.

Other parents will be familiar with the feelings of frustration and despair when your kids just won't listen to you. I looked around the restaurant, at the length of the queue and the people whose kids were behaving. And then it hit me.

I stepped out of the queue and called the children to me. I simply told them "You blew it." and walked out of Burger King. They slowly twigged on what was happening and followed me out with promises that they'd be good if I gave them one last chance.

Kneeling down, I explained to them why we'd left and why them running around wasn't acceptable. In my head, I was trying to balance my need for food with the need to teach them a lesson. I'd like to say I stuck to my guns, but hunger won out and they looked sincere, so we went back into the restaurant.

But...

All three sat still while I ordered the food (Daniel stayed at my side) and behaved impeccably while they ate their food. I hope that this sets a standard for future jaunts out, but if not, I may have to follow through next time and leave the restaurant.

There's a programme over here called You Are What You Eat, where a 'Celebrity Nutritionist' takes your entire weekly diet and piles it on a table in front of you.

Usually it's a stark wake-up call that you're eating too much, or you're eating the wrong things. Either way, the message is that something's wrong and needs to change.

With that in mind, what if someone followed you around for a week, and noted down every time you handed out a negative comment to your children? Count in statements that begin with "Don't...", "Stop..." or simply "No". Feel free to add your personal favourites to the list.

I've been watching this around our house recently and it's making me feel bad about the way we're guiding the kids. Does everything have to be negative? Of course not. Maybe you simply fall into a rut and don't recognise the signs.

It's good to recognize the behaviour in the first instance. The next step (I think) is to start guiding the children in a different way. You know stop talking down and start addressing them from their level. Start to suggest alternatives to naughty behaviour and maybe chat with them about why something isn't working, or why someone made them angry.

I didn't need a celebrity nanny to tell me we're going overboard on the orders around our house. We'll be trying to be less dictatorial about things from now on.

Has anyone else experienced this? What have you done about it, and what alternatives have worked for you?

Over the last few weeks I have felt as though I am banging my head off a brick wall. Jake has always been more free with his hands than Rachel, but over the last six months or so, I have noticed that he rarely hits, kicks or pushes anymore.